Sometimes, I like being alone...

being alone with no one but my thoughts that swirl round and round in my head
being alone and not having to worry about what anyone else thinks about me
being alone and not having to go any place but where I want to be.

Sitting here alone, I’m letting recollections flood me after a long time. I close my eyes, sigh deeply, and let the memories come rushing in....

Man's life is but an act, God's thought is the action. Knowing this, (O heart), why do you get so anxious........

Have you ever stopped to think about the events and people that have shaped your life thus far?

Not just the good moments are the most memorable but all the little things, thoughts and actions that play out in our lives and contribute to how we act and perceive the world and our selves? It may not be easy to remember or recognize all these events but within them lies the answers to many questions about why we are the person we are today. From the thoughts we carry in our own heads to the way others see and treat us, we are shaped by forces that are not always in our control or our consciousness.

If we can stop for just a few minutes each week and look into the moments that have caused us joy, pain or discomfort and then trace them to their root source within our heart we can often see that we are simply reacting to circumstances out of our conditioning and not really a conscious direct effort. We begin to see just how much of what we mistake for “us” is really nothing more than auto-pilot mode at work in our life.

Living moment to moment can be one of the toughest undertakings and yet it truly is the way to get off auto-pilot mode and come to appreciate and fully understand our self and our conditioning to the world.

So I try each day to be in direct touch with my experiences, recognize my reactions and question why it is the way it is. This has rewarded me with insights and understanding which allow me to stop being shaped by the world and start shaping my own life and world!

I think of myself as a complicated person. I'm easy to get to know, but its hard to maintain the status quo, I've been told. I don't mind that, not one bit. Nothing should come easily. Those empty spaces should be filled. And at the end of it all, if the person is by your side, they're for keeps.

A field. A vast green field. Before the sesames blossom. Before violet flowers on every tip..

A hill. One-foot road winding up. Before the cardamoms spills the pungeance. Between the dark meditating trees..

A valley. A cool snowy valley. Before the first rays drips the dew. before the first bird fly for prey..

A breeze. A soothing breeze. Before we fly on wings of time. Before the last song of night stops..

How do I make myself small enough not to be noticed?
I have not learnt the magic yet, that hides the tiger in thin reeds.
makes the lowly grasshopper look but just another leaf.

Have you ever stopped to ponder the relationship between opposing ideals?

For example have you ever considered the balance between beauty and pain? I think it is one of the ultimate paradoxes! Pain can result in beauty by transforming people into stronger individuals, but for the most part we strive to eliminate the suffering in the world. Now with that reasoning, logic would dictate that the more pain and conflict we eliminate from our own personal experience, the more potential for beauty we eliminate.

Now keep in mind here that we are not talking about torture or doing harm to others – we are simply talking about pain. The kind we inflict upon ourselves, physically, mentally and emotionally. Self-inflicting pain can create a kind of positive change (and even beauty), yet to inflict pain on others is not beautiful.

It is my belief that we need our pain, that it has a role in our life. We need pain to remind us of our vulnerability and make us constantly alert and aware of the beauty of the world around us, but we also need an end to our pain because that is what motivates us forward. It is this tension between pain and ending pain that provides resolution, the spark to get over the pain and on to the joy!

It is possible and necessary to embrace suffering in our personal lives and find beauty and dignity by doing so while also working to relieve the suffering of others. By working to end the pain of others yet not running from it ourselves, we are truly creating a tension that is capable of creating not only beauty, but real resolutions to end real problems.

So let us not run from or evade our pain in this life. If we continue to cultivate a world that fears pain and does not embrace it and conquer it as a dignified aspect of their humanity, what will we be left with?

Just a little food for thought!