Alright I am back after exactly 9 months! Whew time sure flies quickly....

What have I been upto... Well, one India trip, one more semester and almost a full summer later.... I am still the same ... PhD student... working my ass off and having unlimited fun doing it :)

Disclaimer: A lot of the stuff written below is very random.... things that popped into my mind since my last post and things i started writing but never managed to finish or did not post... They do not reflect upon the present state of my mind :)


Have you ever felt separate from every single human being on the planet? That in no way shape or form are we connected. Just individuals sharing the same instance in a similar location, floating in space, in nothing. Who are we to be judged by one another. No ones lived the same experiences as anyone else. I want to be the guy that finally gets "IT".

I'm above all of you, all of this, above the world. Above the stuff, and the money the feelings and the needing. Who cares how we were created. I know this for a fact, we'll never know or we eventually will find out, and that's all that matters. Why kill each other over how we have gotten here, or how long it took.

Maybe I'm just not intelligent enough to care about the important things and want to seek out the answers. I'm too dull to even grasp at the importance of our creation, or I'm too tired of the fickleness that it has become. The fashion like quality it has taken on. Shouldn't we be capable of governing ourselves? We don't need police. Isn't that what our parents taught us? By punishing us and rewarding us for our good and bad deeds. Isn't the way to act common sense? or has it been lost? I want to achieve something great, to be the first and only to do this.

As we grow older life becomes much more difficult to put into words. I'll be turning 26 this year. Isn't it weird how slowly but surely you grow up, life continues and sometimes without you noticing you're a completely different person.

Its like i have this almost infinite piece puzzle infront of me, with no picture on the front of the box for a reference and I'm still looking for that 4th corner. Right now I'm feeling rather introspective, intelligent and above average, but I'm sure you guys have thoughts like this. I'm just trying to make myself feel better by using slightly large words and talking about nothing. I sum myself up to more than I am. I should realize that I'm just another man of the 6+billion people on this planet.

but i dream of being so much more...
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So many thoughts, so many emotions!!!
i am lost, will somebody find me??
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they claim....
that I have mellowed down.
that I have lost the essential thing that made me me.
that I have changed.
that I cannot be selfless.
that I do not know how to say the things on my mind.
that I know not how to exchange pleasantries.
that I have tried and failed not many times.
that life still has a few lessons to teach me.
that I need to cry my eyes out.
that they are ashamed of me.
that they sometimes hate me enough to love me.
that I need to speak my mind out to them.
that I need to think more and make my decisions accordingly.
that I can still be childlike and talk to them about my loves and lives.
that I ought to write more.
that I should learn to love myself unconditionally.
that I should try to be more "normal".
that I should learn to make more inspired moves towards the fairer sex.
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I was listening to Yeh Dooriyan on repeat the last few hours. To me it felt like the song is about the mood which we all want to capture and never want to let go ...It's a frame of mind ...

The song starts off with a haunting whistling sound coming from a distant place with winds blowing, and Voila !! Mohit Chauhan !! Singing 'Yeh Dooriyaan' a regular, soaked in sweetness, lovely song by Mohit.